Your Children are Always Your Soulmates

This may not be a popular belief in the world of astrology, karma, and past lives, but it is a belief I firmly hold: your children are always your soulmates.

You have undoubtedly heard the term “soulmate” before. It is a common expression in our society, implying that you are destined to fall in love and live happily ever after with one specific person — your ideal counterpart. This idea allegedly descended from Greek mythology, as many things do. It began as part of a creation myth, explaining why humans are born with one of two sets of genitalia. In the beginning, according to thearchaeologist.org, humans were born with two heads, two bodies, and both sets of genitalia. As punishment for being arrogant and haughty, they were split into two bodies, cursed to live in eternal yearning for their other half. Thus, we have the modern-day soulmate theory.

However, it has changed and grown, at least in our western cultures. Now, with the widespread belief in reincarnation, the term “soulmate” has encompassed all manner of people who have been important to the past-life versions of ourselves. It implies that people we work with, go to school with, befriend, feel uncannily drawn to, find deep comfort with, learn profound lessons from, and sometimes fall in love with are indeed soulmates. They are people whose souls have been mates — not to be confused with mating to procreate — of our own soul.

I stretch the capacity for this word a slight bit further to add your children. Not just one of your children. Not just the child you feel the most connected to, nor the child you struggle the most with. I believe that every single one of your children is a soulmate of yours, whether they were born living, left your womb at six weeks, were adopted by another family, grew up with their other parent, moved away and never came back, or left the material plane at some point in your life already. It is my belief that you knew them before and that you brought them into the world again for a purpose. They are connected to you in such a way that cannot be removed by space or time or death. It is my follow-up belief that the reasons why, and the purpose of the connection, are written in the birth chart: not only yours, but your child’s as well.

In the teachings of Jeffrey Wolf Green, the founder of Evolutionary Astrology, every soul incarnates with an evolutionary intent: a desire to evolve beyond the limitations and patterns of prior lifetimes. According to Green, the natal chart is the map of that intent, showing where the soul has been (the South Node and Pluto) and where it’s trying to go (the North Node and Pluto’s polarity point). The people we meet, especially those with whom we share deep karmic ties, are the living agents through which our evolution unfolds.

Your child, then, is not simply a “blank slate” or an extension of your DNA. They are a soul who has traveled alongside yours through lifetimes, evolving in tandem, sometimes as your parent, your lover, your teacher, your rival, or your child. The roles may change, but the essence of the relationship endures, always tethered to the mutual commitment to awaken each other.

From the perspective of karma and reincarnation, family relationships are rarely random. They are soul contracts — sacred agreements made before birth to help one another grow. Sometimes, this growth emerges through harmony and devotion. Other times, it is forged through friction, resistance, and heartbreak. In Green’s words, “All relationships are vehicles for the evolution of the soul,” and nowhere is that more evident than between parent and child.

This brings me to the next aspect of this taboo subject. It is also unpopular to suggest looking at your child’s birth chart. This is most likely because it is human nature to think that we have control over the raising, molding, and developing of our children’s personalities and the lives they will live. It is likely thought that if we look at their birth charts, we will try to change their destiny, change their personality, or change ourselves to fix their fate.

But Evolutionary Astrology teaches that nothing in a chart is meant to be “fixed.” It is meant to be understood and witnessed through the eyes of compassion and humility. The chart doesn’t dictate who your child must become; it reveals the path their soul intends to walk. To see it clearly, as Green would say, is to understand that “every soul is doing the best it can to evolve.”

I believe it requires a strong-willed, open-minded, soulful, and introspective kind of parent to look at the birth chart of their child, see the challenges and the beauty, recognize their part in the child’s life, and then sit back to watch it all unfold. I do not doubt that most people would do the former, but this post is not for those people. It is for you.

You know your child and you know yourself, but you are in search of a more profound knowing of your connection and the purpose of it. You are ready and willing to take the next step of exploring your child’s purpose in this life, the challenges they will face on their journey, and the role you play in their story. I do believe that looking into your child’s chart should make you want to change for the better, but not in an attempt to save them or prevent some suffering. It should be for the sake of your relationship now and throughout the rest of your life.

When analyzing our children’s charts, we are highly likely to be triggered when there is mention of us affecting them or wounds they will carry from childhood that we did not mean to inflict. The trick is in accepting these truths, forgiving yourself, and understanding that it is not so much the struggles we should be looking for, but the reasons for them.

We absolutely want only the best for our babies. No parent wishes suffering for their child. But as humans, we do tend to learn the best and fastest through problem-solving, challenging situations, and interpersonal conflicts. We grow stronger after dealing with adversity, heartache, betrayal, and abandonment. We learn more about who we truly are, what we truly want, and what our truest purpose is by experiencing all of the things that are out of alignment with our truth.

According to karmic law, pain is not punishment, it is a portal. It is through these experiences that the soul purifies old patterns, resolves ancient imbalances, and births new awareness. When we see the “difficult” dynamics with our children in this light, we begin to understand that these are not flaws in the design, but sacred agreements to bring each other home.

When triggered by something in our child’s chart that seems to place the blame on us, we have to sit back and take a deep breath. We have to remember that this chart is a snapshot taken at the moment your baby took their first breath. It is not something you created, wrote, or designed for them. Somehow, in some way, it was always the plan for them. If you play an important role in their grand plan for this lifetime — whether it is a harmonious or challenging role — you should be honored.

You might be akin to a catalyst that angers them so profoundly that they follow their heart voraciously, fulfilling their life purpose much younger than they might have if you had been a comfortable cushion to get lazy upon. Alternatively, you may be so deeply transformed by your own karmic relationships with your parents that it awakens a cycle of healing for generations to come.

Either way, the relationship is sacredly intentional. You and your child are not merely connected by blood, but by soul. Two travelers, meeting again at the same crossroads, choosing once more to evolve together.